Finding That Eye Of The Tiger

Well right now is the best I've felt since we found out about dad's cancer on Wednesday. Wednesday? Only three days ago? Feels like a lifetime already. Anyway, for all the bad stuff that the internet can shove down your throat when looking up any kind of cancer, there can be good things too. I looked up my dad's cancer, (esophageal cancer) only this time I added the word "survivor" to it. I found quite a few stories of people who have survived stage three and even four EC (esophageal). Some are even past their five year mark. It helped me find some of that much needed positivity, that in turn has started to stir the much needed "Eye Of The Tiger". 

I know that there are still many bad bad days ahead, but I can at least revel in the good positive vibes I'm feeling right now. I drove by my old church today. I felt some comfort just driving by it, and I had some very vivid memories of when my dad had pancreatitis a LONG time ago. It was pretty scary, and he was in the hospital for a pretty long time. We were good little Catholics during that time and God was the first person I turned to then. I don't know, I guess I'm just feeling a little less abandoned than I did earlier today.  I just hope that it's not fleeting and that I can keep a grip on it. 

I say that because I also know the real prognosis for my dad's condition is still yet to come. Who knows what those doctors will say. You would think technology would have come far enough to be able to give these answers pretty swiftly. Then again I guess Friday to Monday isn't that long in normal life. Normal life, you know, BC. Before cancer. There's BC and then there's now. Now, one day feels like a lifetime. 

The kids saw both of us (Allen & I) lose it a little this morning. I hate that. I just don't know what to say, because frankly, I don't really know anything. I don't know anything except Dad's got cancer. That's not enough for the kids, they need something more than that. So when we get a clearer picture of what we're dealing with, then we'll figure out what to say to them. 

Dad went camping with Jan this weekend. She's having a pretty hard time with it he said. I feel for her a lot. Next weekend we'll all be getting together, and the weekend of Jamie's b-day. I think we'll be doing a lot of that over the next few months. Well, all in all, I feel positive. So positive infact, I actually don't feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up. It's kind of refreshing.